For years I was in the dark about what my sexuality was. At school, while all the kids were suddenly talking about sex, it didn't make the slightest impression on me. I was interested in deep conversations about politics and culture.
This, in combination with being slightly overweight at that time, soon made me the school outsider.
I had a boyfriend when I was still at school, we were together for a long time and then, suddenly, he wanted to have sex with me. One moment we were sitting talking and the next minute he'd put himself on top of me. I saw his face above me and I felt sick. I just wanted to get out. We'd been seeing each other for three years, we had this really nice relationship and then just because I didn't want to have sex, he dumped me.
This situation and various crushes without feeling lust with both boys and naked girls made me aware that I was different from others. Others had fantasies and often lived out their fantasies. Such as interracial sex like shown at blacks on blondes site.
All I wanted from love was to be with someone. A hug, a kiss a dance Sharing moments together.
But hearing others talking about their fantasies and experiences, and others that enjoyed hearing them and discuss them with so much enjoyment, while I just sat their in disbelieve I couldn’t even imagine those big tits fantasies!!! People thought it weird that I didn't like to hear about sex or their fantasies. While they sat chatting and laughing I just thought it all so silly, and sometimes dirty. It often caused me to leave parties or get-togethers early.
All this made me realise that I wasn't like the others, that my sexuality wasn't only bisexuality, there was something missing, a clue to why I was the way I was (and to a point of course still am.) I knew I wasn't repressing anything. There was no need. I am open about everything I am and so is my family. I have been very lucky with that.
For a long time I was searching for who I was. Even with the help of my parents and my best friend it wasn't until two years later that I found out the truth. It was a relief when I realised I was asexual.